RUINED in WARIO

[Mecha the Slag]

So I'm minding my daily buisness by enjoying myself in the mirror, when I suddenly have this HUGE need for garlic. I run down the alley of my castle - and what do I see? Some buttneck has placed a smiling cat in a box on the floor. MY FLOOR! That thing was probably so dirty, I wouldn't even pick it up with my own dirty hands! Anyway, as I move closer to the fridge and the garlö le amour, garlik snitzel and garlic garlic, some mean DUCKHEAD has placed boulders on my floor. MY FLOOR. I find that deeply frustrating, and REFUSE to move them by myself.
HEY YOU. YES, YOU with the wierd hat and creepy mustache and sleepy eyes, GET YOUR HANDS OVER HERE and CRUSH these boulders using the ARROW KEYS so I won't have to! And if you see any enemies, use SHIFT and CTRL to jump and CRUSH them into tiny little GUTS of EXPLOSIONS!

What are you waiting for?! That was an ORDER!

Sincerely
Wario The AMAZING Wario