08-27-2008, 10:08 AM
You have no meter in that poem. Count the syllables of each line.
Eve-ry min-ute I think of you (8 Syllables)
I wish time could go back (6 Syllables)
To feel that love a-gain (6 Syllables)
And to feel it back (5 syallables)
You don't keep a consistent pattern of syllables, and so the poem feels awkward when read aloud. Although there is a rhyme scheme (sort of) you use the same word twice. This never works very well; and as your poem is so short, it really sticks out. Using monosyllabic words is a good way to fill in missing beats in a line that's too short, but if overused, it makes the poem sound long and droning.
I wish time could go back
is a guilty of this.
So about fixing your poem:
- Make sure that the pattern of syllables is consistant.
Many romantic poems are written in Iambic Pentameter. That's using 10 syllables per line. (Read more here) That might be a good choice for your poem. Alternatively, you could try Septameter. That would be using 14 syllables per line, but it often broken down like this:
Da-dum Da-dum Da-dum Da-dum
Da-dum Da-dum Da-dum
Da-dum Da-dum Da-dum Da-dum
Da-dum Da-dum Da-dum
- Try to avoid using too many monosyllabic words
Experiment with your vocabulary a little.
To feel that love again
could be
To experience divine romance
- Be careful when putting stress on certain words
As said before, using Iambics is the easiest way to write poetry if you're a beginner. However, you can't put stress on just any word. We naturally put stress on syllables of words in conversation. You'd say CON-ver-SA-tion, not con-VER-sa-TION. There's also a slight variance in English and American pronounciation (We say cli-CHÉ, Americans say CLI-ché), but you shouldn't worry too much about that. The line
And to feel it back
would put stress on 'to' and 'it', which pretty much never happens in conversation. So it feels really wierd to read it aloud.
Eve-ry min-ute I think of you (8 Syllables)
I wish time could go back (6 Syllables)
To feel that love a-gain (6 Syllables)
And to feel it back (5 syallables)
You don't keep a consistent pattern of syllables, and so the poem feels awkward when read aloud. Although there is a rhyme scheme (sort of) you use the same word twice. This never works very well; and as your poem is so short, it really sticks out. Using monosyllabic words is a good way to fill in missing beats in a line that's too short, but if overused, it makes the poem sound long and droning.
I wish time could go back
is a guilty of this.
So about fixing your poem:
- Make sure that the pattern of syllables is consistant.
Many romantic poems are written in Iambic Pentameter. That's using 10 syllables per line. (Read more here) That might be a good choice for your poem. Alternatively, you could try Septameter. That would be using 14 syllables per line, but it often broken down like this:
Da-dum Da-dum Da-dum Da-dum
Da-dum Da-dum Da-dum
Da-dum Da-dum Da-dum Da-dum
Da-dum Da-dum Da-dum
- Try to avoid using too many monosyllabic words
Experiment with your vocabulary a little.
To feel that love again
could be
To experience divine romance
- Be careful when putting stress on certain words
As said before, using Iambics is the easiest way to write poetry if you're a beginner. However, you can't put stress on just any word. We naturally put stress on syllables of words in conversation. You'd say CON-ver-SA-tion, not con-VER-sa-TION. There's also a slight variance in English and American pronounciation (We say cli-CHÉ, Americans say CLI-ché), but you shouldn't worry too much about that. The line
And to feel it back
would put stress on 'to' and 'it', which pretty much never happens in conversation. So it feels really wierd to read it aloud.