Paper Mario help wanted

[Kosheh]

Oh, um, neat

because

I also did part 2 just in case

(The scene changes to Goomba Village. The camera is slowly panning outside of the main house to the left.)

Goombario: (From inside the house) Aw, come on, dad!!
Do I have to?!

Goompapa: Son, I know it's your job around the household to headbonk any unwanted guests...but the last visitor we had was two months ago, and it was just an insurance salesman.

Goombario: You seemed to be so eager for me to headbonk such a nice guy.

Goompapa: Well, he might be nice to YOU, son! Right - so your ma's been pestering me to plant some new Goomnut Trees around the house. My doctor told me to lay off the yardwork, so I ain't gonna get my hands dirty this time - and it's about time you started pulling your weight around the house.

Goombario: Uh, when you say "hands," you mean that figuratively, right Dad?

Goompapa: …Less sass and more work, young man.

Goombario: Alright, I get it!
I was just gonna start looking for the shovel. Yeesh!

(Goombario steps outside with a spade and heads over to a vacant patch of dirt. He starts digging in the ground with a Goomnut beside him. Shortly afterwards, the camera pans over to the entry gate with the Koopa Bros. close to it.)

Red: I think I can see the little fungi playin' in the dirt over there. Yellow, gimme a hand!

(Yellow nods as he gives Red a boost to climb onto the gate.)

Green: I see where this is going...(flip sprite, pause, flip back) You're gonna use your stealth and Goom-nap 'im when he least expec-

Red: YO! CHESTNUT!

(Green is struck dumbfounded as Yellow rolls his eyes and Black facepalms. Red continues to soapbox atop the gate)

Red: We're back for revenge! We're gonna start with you and make our way up the ladder till we get to Mario. Since ol' stromboli ain't here to help you, takin' you out's gonna be a pizza cake! Don't even try to fight back, shrimp!!

(As Red is making his threats, Goombario makes a quick eye dart over to the gate. He only shakes his head as he resumes digging in the ground.)

Red: Hey, LISTEN to me, ya twerp! I'm serious!
I'm two seconds from jumping off this gate and rustlin' yer rigatoni! We're gonna make you cry, you little-"

(During most of his threats, Red rocks the gate back and forth. Before he could finish his last line, the gate finally gives away and falls flat to the ground. While Red is dazed, the other Koopa Bros. and Goombario are shocked to see the damaged he caused. The camera quickly pans over to the house as an angry Goompapa emerges from it.)

Goompapa: Dagnabbit! I just fixed that gate!

Red: Wha…huh!? *Comes to his senses* RUN FOR IT!

(As Black makes his escape with a smoke bomb, Red quickly gets up and tramples Yellow in the process. Green tries to get him up, but he is too late as Goompapa grabs Yellow.)

Goompapa: Gotcha! This'll be the last time you turtles even think about breaking my gate! I'm gonna make tortoise-shell spectacles outta you!!

(Goompapa drags Yellow away as Green watches in horror. The camera cuts to Goombario from behind. As he turns around, he watches Goompapa offscreen delivering slow-motion blows, ranting about the broken gate and Bowser to Yellow. Goombario reacts accordingly and clenches his eyes shut for the more powerful blows.)

I just rewrote some character dialogue, to make Red a somewhat more comedic character while he's trying to be a big-bad guy. Any weird figures of speech are completely intentional, and also some changes to Goompapa to get a few additional laughs (most of all, the VOs should be having fun with this, which is why I'm peppering up the script in the first place)

Also because the people of the Mushroom Kingdom just love their pasta puns (and there is also an overt Paper Mario quote in there. Can you find it???)