08-30-2015, 11:46 AM
Right then, time for a script revision. What I want to focus on is giving the Koopa Bros. more rounded personalities (with the possible exception of Red due to what kind of character he is) and stick closely to the personalities I intended for them. Just click here if you want to see what I have in mind for them.
By the way, I was going to mention this before in the post I was describing the Koopa Bros. personalities, but the post went on for longer than I liked it to, so I had to cut it out. Before I show you the script I wrote, I want to give my two cents on the other changes Kosheh brought up.
- When I read the script again prior to Kosheh's rewrite of the first couple of parts, I saw several typos throughout. Even though the typos wouldn't badly affect the script, I'm not against changing them (especially since I almost instantly correct any typos I spot in my posts). I just didn't get around to correcting the typos because it's easier to work on the full script in Microsoft Word (which currently doesn't work right now ever since my dad replaced the hard drive).
- I don't know how I feel about Bombette being called the "pink Bob-omb." It just seems a little generic. I only chose "dame" to fit with Red's habit of disrespecting others. I could always go with "chick" or "babe" instead. Probably the former since "babe" would suggest that Red has a crush on her.
- I never really thought about emphasizing certain words for the most part. I was intending that to be up to the voice actor to decide which words and phrases need more emotional stress (with the exception of when I specifically point out which parts need that kind of stress). In spite of that, I'll try Kosheh's method to see how that works out.
- When it comes to additional actions not covered in the script, such as sprite flipping in the dialog, I honestly want to save it for when I work on the storyboard and rough out the animation. Still, I don't exactly mind adding more actions in just in case some actions are not clear and/or need more details.
- I'm cool with the K-Game pun. I'll be sure to throw it in there.
- When I read over my first edition of the script after Kosheh brought up this detail, I was smacking my head and asking myself why I didn't give Bowser a nickname over and over again. Even Red, who is the most informal of the bunch and the most like Michelangelo, just calls him Bowser.
- Actually, having Black sigh and walk out is a good idea. At the same time, though, I also want to show Black's competence as a ninja, so I'm thinking a compromise between these two ideas could work.
- As for using joke weapons for the Koopa Bros., I'm actually fine with that. The only problem is that it's hard to pull it off in this short. The only one actually fighting is Black, but he is way too serious to consider using anything besides actual ninja gear unless he has to improvise. This might end up as something I need to save for later shorts, but I can at least imagine this concept clearly for the remaining three Koopa Bros. Red will try to pass off his joke weapons as the real deal and gets irritated if someone points it out. Green is a bit more modest about it, but he is actually successful with using these kind of weapons. As for Yellow, I imagine him using goofy devices made from discarded junk that are similar to the ones seen throughout Ed, Edd, 'n' Eddy.
By the way, I was going to mention this before in the post I was describing the Koopa Bros. personalities, but the post went on for longer than I liked it to, so I had to cut it out. Before I show you the script I wrote, I want to give my two cents on the other changes Kosheh brought up.
- When I read the script again prior to Kosheh's rewrite of the first couple of parts, I saw several typos throughout. Even though the typos wouldn't badly affect the script, I'm not against changing them (especially since I almost instantly correct any typos I spot in my posts). I just didn't get around to correcting the typos because it's easier to work on the full script in Microsoft Word (which currently doesn't work right now ever since my dad replaced the hard drive).
- I don't know how I feel about Bombette being called the "pink Bob-omb." It just seems a little generic. I only chose "dame" to fit with Red's habit of disrespecting others. I could always go with "chick" or "babe" instead. Probably the former since "babe" would suggest that Red has a crush on her.
- I never really thought about emphasizing certain words for the most part. I was intending that to be up to the voice actor to decide which words and phrases need more emotional stress (with the exception of when I specifically point out which parts need that kind of stress). In spite of that, I'll try Kosheh's method to see how that works out.
- When it comes to additional actions not covered in the script, such as sprite flipping in the dialog, I honestly want to save it for when I work on the storyboard and rough out the animation. Still, I don't exactly mind adding more actions in just in case some actions are not clear and/or need more details.
- I'm cool with the K-Game pun. I'll be sure to throw it in there.
- When I read over my first edition of the script after Kosheh brought up this detail, I was smacking my head and asking myself why I didn't give Bowser a nickname over and over again. Even Red, who is the most informal of the bunch and the most like Michelangelo, just calls him Bowser.
- Actually, having Black sigh and walk out is a good idea. At the same time, though, I also want to show Black's competence as a ninja, so I'm thinking a compromise between these two ideas could work.
- As for using joke weapons for the Koopa Bros., I'm actually fine with that. The only problem is that it's hard to pull it off in this short. The only one actually fighting is Black, but he is way too serious to consider using anything besides actual ninja gear unless he has to improvise. This might end up as something I need to save for later shorts, but I can at least imagine this concept clearly for the remaining three Koopa Bros. Red will try to pass off his joke weapons as the real deal and gets irritated if someone points it out. Green is a bit more modest about it, but he is actually successful with using these kind of weapons. As for Yellow, I imagine him using goofy devices made from discarded junk that are similar to the ones seen throughout Ed, Edd, 'n' Eddy.
![[+]](images/collapse_collapsed.png "[+]")
Now then, I digressed enough. It's time to move onto the first part of the script. If it turns out I got the second revision right, I'll move onto the next part and give it the same treatment. By the way, my notes on the script are in red in case it isn't obvious enough.