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Pokemon: The Commercial
#10
(01-14-2012, 10:47 AM)justover6 Wrote: The problem with writing threads is a lot of stuff get's mixed up because of thoughts and times of post and who we're replying to. So to help with that, I'm going to give specific post numbers for you to read with paragraphs.

@ Chris2Balls [:B]

"If you can't handle critique or any opinions that aren't favorable to your work"

I disagree, I'll give a list of everyone that critiqued on my work and my reply to them.
Proton post #6 which was a harsh post, which I said I had no problem receiving.
Altrez post #7

My reply came in post number #8, if you notice it was a double post, because I hadn't seen Protons or Altrez post. In the double post I clearly thank both of them for their input.

SirZadaben post #9 at the very bottom, he said he thought my comic lacked direction and the sprites were jumbled.

Post # 11 = I wrote out that I agree with his post in the first line.

Baegal post # 10 paragraphs two and three was his critique of my work.

Post #11 double post from the @ Baegal line, drop down to line 4. I said, "....still didn't give me advice on how to improve my work. But you did though so kudos." The but you did though so kudos, was my thanking Baegal for his critique.

Baegal Post #12 Baegal repost his critique.

Post #13 I rethank him from the earlier post. that he missed.

Now if I'm lying anywhere on here and you see; it call me out. However if you saying I don't take criticism well.

I almost forgot about Gor's post

Gor Post #3 Everything was quoted

My post # 4 I said it was bad criticism because it didn't help me. I said I couldn't even tell if he looked at my comic because of the generic quotes.

So I can't handle critique, how so, because I just posted me thanking everyone that gave me real critique and when someone literally broke the rule on YOUR site, I tried to help him out. Not only that but I got flamed because I called out someone on YOUR rules.


I don't see how Gors's post wasn't a legitimate critique: sure, he quoted other members, but the post he created articulated a critique which concerned your comic.
Indeed you did thank several members for their feedback, good for you and good for them. My issue is with you "filtering" critique: okay, you may be looking for something in particular, and if you are then it might help if you specify what kind of critique you're looking for (if it's more on the story, more on the page's layout, the font, etc...), instead of asking for "real" critique.

Now, for the critique.

Why are there six frames, why is the page in landscape format and why is it centered? Why is there void above and below the frames? Why is there the same spacing between each frame (apart from the two last ones)? Why are both last frames not spaced the same way as the rest, nor the same size?
I had no idea what happened between frame 1 and 2: I only just realized the group was moving towards the girl. Nothing suggests movement in the first frame, and if the reader isn't aquainted with the sprites he won't necessarily make the link between the vampire seen from the back and the vampire seen from the side. Why is the road on the far left, and not in the centre or to the right? Why is it a vertical line and not a horizontal one? And why is the park taking up more space in the frame than the part in which the action of the scene is taking place?
Frame 2 is rather confusing: once again, very static, I can't tell when the girl was it or what point in time this is (when girl is hit, when she falls or when she is to the ground; it's kind of combined). Why the zoom? Why don't you crop off everything around the zoomed part? The coin isn't that visible. Why is the speech bubble overlapping the second frame and into the first one? It's extremely distracting, it's like it's escaping the action it's illustrating.
Why is the view zoomed out again in frame 3? The action is only happening between those two characters, the rest is irrelevant. Once again, I don't understand why the bubbles are set out this way.
Frame 4 is equally as confusing: why haven't the rest of the guards moved forward with their leader? What is their leader doing? Are these even relevant to the frame? If the action is focused on the girl and the speech bubble, why have you left the rest there? It only makes the frame noisier and harder to read. Why is the speech bubble so small?
Why have you used the Crayon tool as a backdrop for "1 hour earlier" in frame 5? It's noisy, inconsistent and not even drawn straight. I'm at a loss at why there is so much space in the frame which isn't used effectively to describe an action. Why is the room so big? Why is it so blurred and scaled up? Why does the television (if that's what it is) have the same speech bubble as a human character?
As for frame 6: I see the link between the zoomed part and the un-zoomed part, but why so much useless space around the relevant material? Why is the zoomed part in that place and not elsewhere, why is that size and what is its significance?

This needs a lot of work.
[Image: x1aIZ2e.gif]
YOU HAVE TO FEEL WHAT YOU DRAW, FEEL
[Image: shrine.gif]






Thanked by: Garamonde


Messages In This Thread
Pokemon: The Commercial - by justover6 - 01-14-2012, 12:59 AM
RE: Pokemon: The Commercial - by Vipershark - 01-14-2012, 01:13 AM
RE: Pokemon: The Commercial - by justover6 - 01-14-2012, 01:17 AM
RE: Pokemon: The Commercial - by Gwen - 01-14-2012, 01:19 AM
RE: Pokemon: The Commercial - by Chris2Balls [:B] - 01-14-2012, 08:27 AM
RE: Pokemon: The Commercial - by [robo9] - 01-14-2012, 10:45 AM
RE: Pokemon: The Commercial - by justover6 - 01-14-2012, 10:47 AM
RE: Pokemon: The Commercial - by [robo9] - 01-14-2012, 10:54 AM
RE: Pokemon: The Commercial - by justover6 - 01-14-2012, 11:08 AM
RE: Pokemon: The Commercial - by Chris2Balls [:B] - 01-14-2012, 01:22 PM
RE: Pokemon: The Commercial - by Cobalt Blue - 01-14-2012, 03:58 PM
RE: Pokemon: The Commercial - by Gors - 01-14-2012, 04:08 PM
RE: Pokemon: The Commercial - by justover6 - 01-14-2012, 06:05 PM
RE: Pokemon: The Commercial - by Gwen - 01-14-2012, 06:28 PM
RE: Pokemon: The Commercial - by Gors - 01-14-2012, 06:30 PM
RE: Pokemon: The Commercial - by Garamonde - 01-15-2012, 01:46 PM

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