the poop happens world we live in thread 2XXX

[PatientZero]

I'm gonna give you a little personal insight into schizophrenia.

edit: Spoiler'd because I'm dumb and completely forgot to give a trigger warning.

Spoiler

I'm having a rough night so I'm sorry if my typing is a little off, I'm sick to begin with which never helps (just a bug that's going around), and my grasp on language gets much weaker the more detached I get.
I've also been drinking to try and keep myself under control, but I can hold my water so don't panic.

Today means something to me, it's a birthday for someone I don't know anymore, last year I didn't care and next year I might not remember, but for today at least it feels important.
Triggers like this dig up bad things for me, make me remember things I'd be better off forgetting, steals my logic and reason, it fills my head with nightmares and hides monsters in the shadows.
The pain of it is that because it feels so real it's hard to tell the lies from the truth, but I manage, usually.

These are the nights I hate, makes me feel the bugs under my skin, makes my scars itch, and worst of all it fills my head with thoughts and ideas that make me sick, they make me hate myself and hate the world that made me this way.
I hate a lot when I get like this.

I guess the joke is that I already know I'll be fine, as cruel as the world has been to me, as sick as the tortures are that it puts me though, I will always drag myself back to my feet.
I'd be a pretty pathetic figure if I let it beat me after all this time.