[split] Spore Adventues

[Zee]

Well, since my computer took a dump the other day and I re-installed spore (and found a mouse with a semi-working scroll).

I bring you

SPORE ADVENTURES

The planet that this story begins on, is like any other planet: pristine and fresh for my life-forms, why it's those sort of blues and greens you'd expect to see on any marble that harbors life.

Fuck

That's a hard and gritty world, it's gonna need a species that can handle it. No pussy vegen bullshit here. We're gonna do this manly style -> Carnivore!
Next, I suppose primordial life can collectively decide on a name so I suppose I'd name it what anything with an IQ of about paste (just slightly above Sonic Recolorers) would want.

Nevermind that alcohol kills single-celled organisms.

Then, as the asteroid HURTLES through the night sky and past the star, it crashes into the ocean of this prehistoric world. By crash, I mean fall lazily into it and unpack several small creatures, who only separate themselves from the water by way of being slightly less translucent. With that in mind, the manly creature wriggled out from it's hellhole and found that which all prehistoric organisms desire -> ambiguous chunks of floating meat.

That's either a piece of debris or wayward sperm, either way, fire up the barbie!

Now it should be noted that these creatures, these progenitors of men, they swim around and eat various animal matter for sustenance. The just chew things up, and eat little other creatures. But when something bigger comes around and fucks up somebody else's shit, you see a chunk of animal bone and think (or flotsam) to yourself "I want that inside me."

The pinnacle of self-defense : Ass Spike

You might be thinking to yourself "But Face-Chomper, why would you want it on your ass?" That's an easy answer, when very large creatures want to destroy your ass by way of gigantic mandibles - you've got just their fear, nature's perfect shank. It can protect you from all sorts of bodily harm, but in this species experience, it prevented them from being raped by the biggest fatties of the time.

Protect yourself from big black dicks with the ass spike =D

Not only are you not somebody's prison bitch, but if you play your cards right, you might just be able to earn yourself a one-way ticket out of this joint!

Jimmy would forget all about his anorexia

Over time of binging and not getting sodomized by larger creatures, the species would begin to manifest some strange changes in their bodies. They would develop more fin-like appendages, and their faces would break out in horrible bone-matter. See, if one spike does good, then 5 must be twice as good! And so, the Face-Chompers would develop a real fighting force.

The rake of the sea?

With these evolutionary advantages, the first man-fights would happen, much like deer and bullet elephants fight it out for dominance over a female, these creatures did too.

I see you've got some junk in your trunk, ho.

And between terrorizing the little ones, and exerting some classical revenge.

Ahahahaha! Your spikes are in ALL THE WRONG PLACES!

You think to yourself, and then realize -> wait, I'm thinking.

Blathering moron, or cross-eyed Aristotle?

And with the penchant of thought, they could get a really dumb idea, mainly "Lets go on dry land and fuck up stuff there!" And so, the Face-Chompers, en mass, crawled out of the ocean and looked at the wonderful green landscape...

OH COME ON! You had 4 billions years to fix this!

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