03-03-2009, 11:56 PM
It was horribly dripping with lolling tongues.
Take that and chew it. xD
I think that there were a lot of nice bits in there, the idea of lightning being reminiscent of a dagger, the way it stabs the sky.
The only thing to truly set this as a "i have to go to war babe, love ya" is the title of the poem.
Maybe something about marching boots, you dont have to ground it in reality by saying anything particularly war related, but mention something material. Empty boots pounding way through the ground. Maybe play off the dagger of lightning, that it's dueling with bobbing bayonettes.
And I do hope that the last two lines dont belong to the poem in all reality. ><
Take that and chew it. xD
I think that there were a lot of nice bits in there, the idea of lightning being reminiscent of a dagger, the way it stabs the sky.
The only thing to truly set this as a "i have to go to war babe, love ya" is the title of the poem.
Maybe something about marching boots, you dont have to ground it in reality by saying anything particularly war related, but mention something material. Empty boots pounding way through the ground. Maybe play off the dagger of lightning, that it's dueling with bobbing bayonettes.
And I do hope that the last two lines dont belong to the poem in all reality. ><