03-03-2009, 11:51 PM
You've just furthered the failing character development.
If Kadabra is grumpy, would he be yelling incessantly like that?
You could do without the capitals and all the exclamation points. Since you don't use exclamation points often, writing sentences that people yell in lowercase will work just fine and still get the point across.
"My name isn't Pikachu like everyone calls me... My name is Zep." Then why do people call him Pikachu?
Is this what you were going to do to explain to us why your guy has a different name?
If people still call Zep Pikachu regardless, then it would just further the idea that they don't care what your name is and will call you by your species name. Just furthering the idea that it makes no sense for them to have asked Gloh's name in the first place.
For the last time in the Creative section today- I'm not trying to just flame you into quitting or anything of the sort.
I'm trying to help you, from one writer to the next, so that your writing works out better and reaches the intended audience without a bunch of extra baggage.
If you don't take my ideas into mind, then you're just setting yourself back.
If Kadabra is grumpy, would he be yelling incessantly like that?
You could do without the capitals and all the exclamation points. Since you don't use exclamation points often, writing sentences that people yell in lowercase will work just fine and still get the point across.
"My name isn't Pikachu like everyone calls me... My name is Zep." Then why do people call him Pikachu?
Is this what you were going to do to explain to us why your guy has a different name?
If people still call Zep Pikachu regardless, then it would just further the idea that they don't care what your name is and will call you by your species name. Just furthering the idea that it makes no sense for them to have asked Gloh's name in the first place.
For the last time in the Creative section today- I'm not trying to just flame you into quitting or anything of the sort.
I'm trying to help you, from one writer to the next, so that your writing works out better and reaches the intended audience without a bunch of extra baggage.
If you don't take my ideas into mind, then you're just setting yourself back.