06-30-2008, 01:35 PM
mors ontologica Wrote:I took a deep drag on the cigarette, and relished the crackle of the paper as the fire crept its way slowly towards my fingers. I held the smoke in until it hurt, then exhaled a mushroom cloud, watching it drift and spiral away from me, twisting and turning like a strange, tribal dance with itself. I felt some of the tension ebb away with that dancing smoke.
If you were to write about the more suspenseful events in the excerpt with description as vivid as this, it'd be perfect.
