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Naruto200Man · 03-07-2012 08:21 AM

Summery: An average worker at a big name comic company finds a magic Calligraphy pen that brings whatever he draws to life! After having a run-in with a vicious comic book villain he signs up for superhero boot camp. Unfortunately for him, the boot camp is no joke! Can he master his imagination before the evil Oil Barron from an old comic book takes the real world by storm? Only one way to find out!

Notes:
1: Know this, my gramar isn't the best, although I'm a perfectionist in most things grammar is not one of them. I'm still learning on this matter.
2: This story will feature cameos from iconic characters, namely comic book heroes and manga/anime heroes. All copyright to said characters goes to their original creators.
3: The narration style is meant to poke fun at comic book style narration, while still respecting it, so don't be afraid to laugh a little Smile

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In the outlands of New York City, the year 1994, and on the third of August to be more exact, there exists a famous comic book company known as Toon-Real. This comic book company produces various action and comedy comics, and even some more…colorful and sensual stories are printed here. There is a legend that a cruel business man who sought to own every single comic company in the world, and he nearly bought out all of them. But the brave owner of Toon Real did not falter, using a supposedly magic calligraphy pen, he created superheroes to capture the foul business man and trap him within the pages of his own comic. This is all believed to be an urban legend; such stories flood the internet on a daily basis, and with every legend, lays a single grain of truth.

"Todays the day, today I, Marcus Donny will get the promotion I need to take the comic book world by storm! Brown jacket…check, sketchbook…check, the balls to talk with the head of the company when he checks up on the printing press…n—no check there…" Marcus stated rather enthusiastically as he punched in and headed down to the area that he helped maintain.

Enter Marcus, the would be hero of our little story, he's just a small enthusiast with wonderful comic potential, and possibly super heroic potential; perhaps fate will lend him a hand in accomplishing his dream. While it was true running the printing press wasn't the most glamorous job in the world, the familiar surroundings of a concrete floored factory with boilers and various machines pouring ink into the press always made him feel welcome. The twenty year old freshmen had won this position in a contest believe it or not, and he was going to take a chance today; or at least he hoped he would. The paper rollers clanked and spun in their usual way, the boilers created an unimaginable heat that made sweat run down the face just imagining it, and the bright sunlight from the windows gave the place the comforts of home. It didn't take Marcus long to finish his daily routine of checking on the belt systems, restocking the paper rolls, and making sure the printer didn't get jammed anywhere along the line. By the time he was through, the printing press practically sang a beautiful song as it did its job; Marcus even had a couple of hours to finish up a few sketches before inspection. It seemed as if it would be another perfectly average day, but things would soon turn more interesting than he originally thought.

"Donny! There you are, I've been looking everywhere for you lad; I've got a favor to ask. And what have I told you about making those sketches at work!" A middle aged man shouted as he entered the room with a particularly sinister grin on his face.

Now behold Donavan Joans, the owner and the grandson of the founder of Toon-Real; this man has the build of a high school football player, the hairy arms of a gorilla, and the personality of a crocodile. His amazing height towered just a few inches over Marcus's humble size of five feet and seven inches, Donavan's tanned skin made Marcus's complexion look like a man who'd spent his life indoors. And of course his boss had to have an anime-spiky haircut which paled in style compared to his own brown locks, often kept in a buzz cut for easy handling in the morning. Marcus didn't know what his boss had in store for him this time; he often sent him on outrageous errands or dumped him with some demeaning extra chore just to humiliate him.

"S—sir, I know you said not to draw at work; but sometimes I just get these crazy ideas and I gotta sketch em down before I loose em. Huh…say, what's in that box anyways…" Marcus asked curiously as he noticed what his manager had produced from his briefcase.

Marcus's hazelnut eyes drifted to the small leather box, an unusually ornate pen holder with a padlock on it that seemed to be some sort of puzzle. He noted the letters W and S in a typical naming fashion, the W obviously meant the first name and the S obviously meant a last name. Was it the name of a company, possibly, but it could also be the name of a person; Marcus flinched when Donavan shoved the box into his arms before answering his question.

"That's fine as long as you finish your work and don't expect me to take any of your little ideas seriously, and I don't know what the hell is in this thing! Some woman claiming to be a powerful artist conned me into buying it saying that it used to belong to my grandfather. The problem is that even if I have the key it won't turn no matter how hard I try…" Donavan responded as he shoved a set of keys into Marcus's hands as well.

Now this was certainly a cryptic matter, the box belonged to Donavan's family, yet he was conned into purchasing it from someone else? Moreover, instead of having one keyhole, the padlock had three, and the box came with a large assortment of keys on one ring; there had to be at least twenty keys on it! Taking the box in his hands, and the key ring as well, Marcus nodded to his boss in understanding; he knew what his task was.

"I see sir, and you're giving this to me because you think I'm the only one who can open it?" Marcus asked boldly as he gave his boss the ever famous puppy dog face, it was his only weapon against this man.

"Heeeeck no you silly idgit, I'm going out of town for a few days to catch up with some old art buddies of mine. And I want you to keep an eye on this, don't tell anyone you have it either, and don't even think of opening it! I got it from one of those crazy pawn shops, so there's no telling what's even in there! Now I want you to work the night shift and lock up tonight; so don't get any crazy ideas about that box you here?" Donavan responded with a shout as he headed out of the press room and on his way home for the evening.

Managing the press at night was one thing, but not doing something his boss told him not to do was an entirely different thing. While it was true he had finished his chores, there were still other things like making sure everyone checked out on time and the laborious janitorial services, the night shift meant he had the whole press to himself which was good, and a good place to draw! Marcus lacked inspiration at the moment, an unfortunate thing for sure, but his curiosity got the better of him as his eyes kept drifting from his art pad to the pen box. He couldn't resist the temptations of solving such a cryptic puzzle, so he finished the sketches of his hero and villain characters and sat down for a couple of hours to figure it out.

"Annnd…gotcha, ha no puzzle can escape the wrath of Marcus Donny! Er—I sure hope nobody heard me shout that, huh…what's the big deal…it's just a calligraphy pen." Marcus shouted in victory when the pen box opened.

Indeed it was a calligraphy pen, but it was no ordinary one to be sure, the overly ornate gold pattern on it, the same WS signature imprinted on it, the oddly warm feeling of inspiration as he held it in his hands. Marcus figured that since he had opened the lock, he could close it just as easy and not say a word, so he tried drawing something simple, a pencil at the top of the page. Somehow the pen changed its ink color when he needed it to but even more surprising, first the pencil rolled to the bottom of the page, when it hit the bottom, it kept on rolling and became the real thing! It stopped at the ledge of course, at the bottom of the drawing desk's drawing surface, but still.

"This is amazing, nobody's ever gonna believe this….nyaaa…this calls for a little more experimentation, just to make sure I'm not losing my marbles." Marcus muttered to himself in curiosity as he held the calligraphy pen as if it had chosen him as its bearer.

First Marcus drew something simple, a butterfly, which sprung to life and fluttered off the page as expected; with a yawn he tried drawing a bullet, which shocked him by flying off the side of the page like it was fired from a gun! Then he drew a few gold coins and jewels, they too became real, and the cat he drew came to life as well, although it was actually animated like a cartoon somehow. It was getting late, around twelve AM when his tired mind had a rather, interesting idea.

"Well…it's not like I'm living with anyone, I wonder…heh, this'll be awesome~" Marcus thought aloud to himself as a perverse grin crossed his face.

Of course any artist could come up with a wet dream, but Marcus was at least a little more mature than that. He first developed a personality for her, he also gave her a decent history and a nice job on the side, top that off with an athletic figure, a nice and busty tanuki girl would be awesome, but he decided to keep it somewhat realistic, if one hundred and twelve was a realistic size for a comic book character. But oh no, a page sized girl wouldn't do any good, so he turned on the machine and printed a life-size version of it, turning off the machine and placing the page on the ground to watch the magic happen.

"Now just to wait and see if my idea actually works…man, if it does work, what the hell am I gonna say to her? Oh hey babe, seeing as I made you and all, you wanna come to my place—nah, too controlling…dang and I thought talking to real girls was tough." Marcus muttered to himself as he hung the poster on the wall.

As Marcus floundered about and paced the floor, he had no idea that a dark and shady figure loomed over him. It was a man in a black cloak, watching the artist to be as he plotted revenge against Marcus. Now, granted he had only just come to life, hiding in the scaffolding overhead the ink pool was the only thing he could manage. Such a horrific villain with no name could only sit and wait for his chance to strike.

"Yesss….she's perfect, absolutely perfect! And you Marcus…you of all the fools that work in this wretched comic book company that sealed me away forever, you have freed me~ And with this wrench I'll just—oops…that's not what I was going to do…" The nameless villain dropped his wrench by accident, causing it to fall off the scaffolding and onto the floor below with a clang.

As soon as Marcus heard the wrench, he took the poster down, carefully rolled it up and put it in a poster roll for safe keeping, just in case. He then headed up to the source of the sound, only to spot what looked like an old man in a trench-coat and hat with dark skin, like black skin. Well, all he knew was that the old man didn't work here, and if he didn't work here, Donavan wouldn't be happy to find out that there were guests this late at night while he was away.

"Excuse me sir, we're closed, and besides that no visitors are allowed in this area after touring hours are over. If you're looking to meet with my boss he's out of town, so you'll have to leave a name and number and be on your way." It was the only thing Marcus could think to say when he approached the man, who oddly looked a bit confused.

"Ahh yes, yes of course forgive me my young man, I'm afraid I'm a little lost; that's all. See, I am William Sssssniderrr, and I've lost a very important pen that belonged to my dearly departed brother. Have you seen an overly orrrnate calligraphy pen anywhere, I believe he locked me—er I mean it in a very special box…" Wiliam slurred his words by accident as he spoke, trying to sound as friendly and human as possible.

Marcus hid the pen in his back pocket, there was no way this was the proper owner of the pen, just because he was related to the guy who apparently owned it and was dead. With great caution he sighed and put a hand on the old man's shoulder, leading him toward the stairs as he watched the old man's hands to be even more cautious. If he'd learned anything from reading too many comics, it's that you never trusted anyone in a trench-coat, especially if they slurred their words as if they had a snakes tongue.

"Of course ehehe, sure mister I'll let my boss know you're looking for it, but I'm afraid you still have to leave the building; in fact I should be on my way soon too after I lock up…" Marcus answered with a sigh as he stepped down one step on the stairway to help the old man walk down.

"Lock up, you can't lock me up, I've been locked up in this place for over fifty years! Now, I know you have my pen, Marcus Donny, give it to me you little whelp!" Suddenly the old man grew into a large shadow that had claws for hands and a dinosaur like body with the head of a snake.

The creature was what Marcus recognized as the villain from one of this companies oldest comics, he was an oil baron cursed with bad luck after he tried to con his brother out of all the comic book companies that he'd made a partnership with. Somehow the freakshow was alive, and now he was out to get him, Snider was probably mistaking him for the very man who created him and banned his comics after an incident with the in-laws. Marcus didn't know what to do except to slowly back away from the beast.

"You can't be real, you're just an illustration—and I wouldn't give it to you even if I did own it! So back off or I'll uh…I'll…um…" Marcus froze; this creature was the most foul smelling and frightening than anything he'd ever seen.

"You'll do what, you're nothing but a pathetic, weak, normal human with no powers whatsoever! Here, allow me to prove it, by showing you how brittle you average Joes really are~" Snider chimed devilishly as he picked Marcus up and lifted him over his snake like head.

With that, a very quick and painful tumble down the stairs plus rolling up against the back wall caused Marcus to somehow end up with his leg twisted in a way it most certainly shouldn't, his arms tangled behind his back and his hand somehow conveniently placed on the fire alarm handle. If his memory served, the creature was weak to the one thing that purified Oil, or at least it did in the comic book Snider was from; pulling the alarm had the expected effect with the fire extinguishers, but not the villain.

"HA….currssess….not the water! Anything but the water—I'll get you Marcus, if it's the last thing I ever do!" With that the horrid dinosaur, snake-human creature slowly transformed back into that of a frail old man and leapt out the windows of the building.

Pouring every ounce of strength he had, Marcus managed to untangle himself and clamber up to the drawing desk. Closing his sketchbook and returning the pen to the box, not having the motor skills at the moment to bother with the lock, he heard the sirens of the fire-truck before passing out; clutching both the pen's box in one hand and the sketchbook in the other. All of this of course happened just a few days before our story truly begins, with Marcus explaining his exciting night to the only real life friend he had, a girl named Alena.

"Impressive Marcus, very impressive, but honestly, do you think me a child; why make up such a fantastic story about a silly thing like a calligraphy pen. I might not be a princess in this country, but even I know when things just don't happen. How do I know you didn't just say, take a tumble down the stairs while day-dreaming about busty girls?" Alena asked in protest to Marcus's story as she waved the fantasy aspects of his story off like a fly.

Marcus stared at Alena as she taunted him; she was a transfer student from Persia, and even more exotic she was a princess, or so she claimed. Personally her jewels and threaded outfit made her more suiting for the part of a genie or fairy; she even had those poofy pants. However Marcus couldn't help but laugh, he seemed to remember a rather exotic story that she had told him in the past.

"Says the girl who gets captivated by stories about magic daggers that control time, but I swear it really happened! Uh oh, this definitely is not good; I could have sworn I was holding the pen's box in my hand carefully—wait…" Marcus's sarcasm quickly turned to a slight panic as he searched his patient's belongings bag, which was resting at the side of his hospital bed.

The hospital was a big place after all, and it was the usual white tiling on the floors, a fancy hospital bed, a desk and chair to sit in, and the average sized television hanging up in a corner of the well lit room; the small box could've gotten lost anywhere while he was unconscious for a day and a half. Marcus's panic subsided when he found the box and the keys to it wrapped up in his jacket, it looked like it had been locked, but he could easily unlock it once more. He figured he'd open up that life sized poster he'd made and see if the nurse he'd made was still there, oddly enough, it was completely blank. Which meant that either he picked up the wrong sheet at the press the other night, or well the impossible thing had happened when he wasn't looking, then again, where could she go if she did come to life inside that tube?

"So that's the special box you were so worried about, it's only got an overly decorated pen inside, I checked it when I visited you earlier and you were asleep. Hmm…great, that annoying woman is back; I bet she's here to question you or something. She's been by here at least twice as often as me waiting for you to wake up!" Alena stated in frustration as she heard high heels walking down the hallways of the hospital.

"Oh come on, who in the world would want to question me about anything; I'll just smile and nod-" Marcus stated before just about choking on his drink when the so called annoying woman rounded the bend and entered the room.

Marcus's near heart attack was to be expected, as he'd laid eyes on the most unbelievable thing he'd ever seen! She was wearing a military uniform of sorts with an unidentifiable badge, but it also seemed army related. Regardless, the curb hugging militant uniform was only part of it, the rest was the fact that Tanuki woman he'd drawn at the printing press was wearing it! She had glasses and slightly smaller breasts than he'd imagined, but she was here, in person, and fully animated! Not only that, but the fact that Alena could see her meant that he wasn't just daydreaming; Marcus had remembered the brief personality he'd jotted down, but he never found time to name her nor give her a place to stay in her history notes, he was going to add those later.

"Good to see you're awake, the names Nuki, Tanna Nuki to be exact; I'm a Secretary of Defense of Rakugo city. I'm here looking for an escaped convict that had attacked a printing press two and a half days ago. The hospital says the fire department found you unconscious in the printing room then, is this true…?" Tanna stated rather curiously as she approached the bed and nudged past Alena so she could speak to the patient.

"Um—y—yes ma'am, pardon me for a—asking but um…what exactly is Rakugo city, and where is it for that matter? I mean, you're a freaking cartoon, and you're in real life! As far as the printing press, yeah I was there, why…you think it has something to do with the convict?" Marcus managed to at least choke that out, without sounding like a fumbling idiot.

"To be exact Marcus, I am an Illustration, and one that you so generously created; and I am thankful for that. As for Rakugo, it's a city where all comic book and manga heroes come to rest and coexist; unfortunately their respective villains come to get some R and R as well. And as far as the location is concerned, why don't you take a wild guess, either one of you can answer~" Tanna explained with a more serious tone than expected as she sat down at the side of the bed, probably just to taunt Marcus's poor hormones with her fluffy tail.

Well, regardless to say, both of the young adult stars of our story were quite confused, Marcus was wondering what went through his head creating such a woman. Alena was merely dumbfounded by Marcus's creativity, most boys drew secretaries as an excuse, but Marcus gave this woman actual character, probably with a serious background. Her annoyance with the tanuki woman's shape aside, she had to answer before Marcus said something stupid, and possibly offending.

"Don't tell me…the Bermuda Triangle? Nobody's ever sailed through those waters completely before, I guess it's possible." Alena's voice was draped with about as much sarcasm as her expression, though she did prove a point.

"Smart girl, yes…in a sense; the soul reason nobodies sailed those waters is in fact, Rakugo itself. You see, we can't have normal humans interacting with comic book characters, especially the crafty super villains. I was lucky to get the job that I did, after all, a normal office job would be too dull…wouldn't you think my dear creator?" Tanna responded with a rather teasing tone as she leaned her face close to his.

"I t—take it that's why you're here, Shnider must be up to his old tricks again; that's why they sent you to the states, t—to talk to the g-government about it. Um…I'd personally help out as best I could…but I'm just a f—freshman, a high school comic nerd no less." Marcus couldn't stop himself from getting stiff any sooner than he could stop his blushing.

"Ah…but a comic nerd is just what we need right now, especially one with such a powerful and special drawing pen. As for being a freshmen Marcus…I like my men fresh, besides; there wouldn't be any harm in a more…intimate relationship…ne?" Tanna chimed lovingly as she pressed her utterly massive bosom against the lower half of his body.

The erotic tanuki woman's invasion of personal space did not stop there; Marcus took in a deep breath as he felt the cartoony softness against him. It was so warm and full of emotion, but then, the unthinkable happened, she flat out kissed him, and it was a French one at that! How his whole body turned red was a mystery, let alone the steam coming out of his ears, his first reaction would've been to back away slowly. But after considering the situation, and in the off chance he'd never have this opportunity again; he greeted her kiss by wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her even closer if it was possible, and kissed her back. It was the best damn twenty seconds of his virgin life, he was living every comic nerds dream!

"Ahem…that was just…damn…s—sorry, although you do put the rack in Raccoon Tanna, um…perhaps that can wait till later. N—not that I don't find your offer…quite enticing, I believe we should get both of our important jobs done first!" Marcus stumbled on his words like an idiot as she gave him some space and room to breathe.

"Aha~ I knew just how you'd react to that, you did make me after all Marcus! And yes, I believe you're right; duties before the cuties…besides, I wouldn't want to offend your friend any more than I have. Here, take my card, in case you…reconsider my offer~ now; please tell me everything about the other night and Shnider that you know…" Tanna's voice seemed pleased yet surprised, as she pulled a business card reading her name and number out from her cleavage.

Okay, Marcus would have to admit, he had accidentally created one of the most badass secretaries of defense in history. Not only was she sensual and well, entertaining to look at; but she knew when it was time for work and when it was time to play. As he quickly fanned himself by pulling out the collar of his shirt and letting it go repeatedly, he once again told the thrilling tale that would soon become even more thrilling to the gorgeous Tanuki woman. Instead of embarrassing her creator in front of a friend once more, she simply patted him on the head after his story was done and bowed in respect to Alena as she walked out of the room in that overly sensual manner. Although as soon as the woman was out of sight, Alena couldn't help but rub Marcus's silly antics in his face.

"Oh come on, "you put the rack in raccoon"? What, you were trying to get her to kick you in the nuts or something?" Alena chimed as she covered her mouth to hold back a snicker while repeating Marcus's pickup line.

"Gimme a break Alena, if I didn't say something like that she was probably plotting to strip my pants off or something just to screw around with me! Besides…she's not all sex you know, I mean, she does take her work seriously; you gotta respect that much." Marcus quipped back as he finally managed to cool himself off, both mentally and physically.

"Alright, Alright…I'll admit, even if you are a pervert you do make some pretty cool characters. I think she wants to have some sort of master & pet relationship, but whatever. You've had your fun for the day, so I'll let you off with a warning this time. Just a tip Marcus, if you want to impress real women; try looking at their eyes more—ah…that's my ride. Promise me you won't get into any trouble with your new friend?" Alena rolled her eyes as her pager went off in her pocket and sighed as she thought about what Marcus might have done had she not been in the room.

Marcus flushed a little as Alena mentioned not getting into trouble, he may be a perv, but even Marcus knew there were certain lines that were never to be crossed, mainly the cleavage. He was at a loss for words when she mentioned the word trouble, and couldn't do much more than smile and nod as he gave her a very honest answer, for the most part.

"Okay I promise I'll be good around Tanna, scouts honor! Are we still on for the Comic Committee convention this Saturday? I mean…it's Monday now, so we still have time to get tickets!" Marcus replied playfully as he held a hand up to solute his would be girlfriend, self-proclaimed was more like it, but he honestly didn't mind it too much.

"Feh! Like you're a scout Marcus, but I'll take your word for it; just don't do anything stupid and draw anything with that magic pen of yours…I'd better go…hope you get well in time for the convention. Assuming you even get the tickets…" Alena answered with sarcasm as she walked out of the room and waved good-by.

When Marcus looked at the clock, he saw that it was seven in the morning, so he had the whole day to draw something, of course he was interrupted by the nurse before he could start a picture. It was the basic run of the mill nurse, and she'd come to tell him about his broken leg; when Marcus found out that he'd have to stay off of his left leg for two weeks, he just about had a heart attack. Of course he was allowed to walk with crutches, but only very little. Once the nurse was gone he took out his sketchbook and began to draw a character, she was a normal alien woman who happened to be about his age; she also happened to have a cat tail and cat ears like a neko from an anime. Her name was Akiko, and she was wearing a body suit that was made of an incredibly durable yet strong material, which he dubbed aminate, a word play on the word anime. Once he was through with the outlines and the inking, he was ready for the next step, but he didn't have any colored pencils with him at the moment.

"What should I do, this is bad…I gotta finish this idea while it's fresh in my head! Um, they wouldn't come to life if I simply colored it with the pen…right?" Marcus questioned himself aloud as he picked up the Calligraphy pen once more, to finish his stunning female Neko woman.

The Day went by faster than expected as he continued working on his masterpiece, Marcus came up with a brilliant history for her, a home for her to stay in, and even a home planet. He drew the character two or three times over, only coloring her with the magic calligraphy pen; surprisingly none of them came to life, so he drew a little genie bottle attached to the girl's necklace and gave her a cute collar and a pair of paw print pajamas. As he grew tired he yawned, stretched his arms and kicked up his feet, sighing a little as he rested his head on the pillow after placing the pen back in its box, this time without relocking it.

"I sure hope my boss isn't mad at me…I'll probably even lose my job, oh well; an awesome Tanuki chick as a girlfriend is kind of cool. I guess that's fair consolation…" Marcus thought aloud before going over his sketches once more and drifting to sleep.

What would the future hold for our average Joe, run of the mill comic book artist who merely worked at the printing press? We have only seen a mere fraction of the adventures soon to come; the real question is if he be ready for them! With an imagination like his, a villain like Shnider on the loose there's no telling what will happen in the next few weeks. Hopefully there'll be a little more action, I mean, what's a good comic book without a dramatic climax in the middle!

Proton · (03-08-2012)

Ellipses,

please,

stop doing that.

You aren't writing in speech bubbles.

They do not appear that often, nor are you using them properly.
You just stick them in whenever a period or comma will suffice.

Learn how to actually use the ellipsis.
Don't use it just because a comic book/mango/script does. Like all writing pieces, each has their own circumstances towards different punctuation (especially comics and shit get away with any punctuation, even "!!!").

Naruto200Man · 03-08-2012 01:06 AM

It's written in novel format, not comic book format :/ the narration style, I believe the proper term is the narration 'voice' pokes fun at how comic books are often narrated outloud.

I usually use ellipsis to emphasize brief moments of pause in the speech, and if you notice, there's no such ellipses abuse in the narration, so at least that's one thing I'm doing right *shrug*
Your critique is welcome though, I really don't understand much about grammar which is why I gave a fair warning beforehand.
I may have overdone it a bit in this first part, but I can try to use more comas and simicolons. But right now I'm still learning how and when to place those properly...

Proton · (03-08-2012)

(03-08-2012 01:06 AM)Naruto200Man Wrote: It's written in novel format, not comic book format :/ the narration style, I believe the proper term is the narration 'voice' pokes fun at how comic books are often narrated outloud.

I know.

Which is why I was surprised you wrote it as you did.

If you wrote it in comic book format or as a forum post,
I wouldn't have said anything about ellipses, but rather I'd speak of your lack of direction as you have no page formatting or panel detailing to make it comic book formatting.

Quote:Huh…say, what's in that box anyways…

Here's an example of why you overdo it/put it somewhere it shouldn't go.

Asking a question.
A question
should not,
will not
and cannot
end with an ellipsis like this.

Not even in a comic book.
This is you writing it because you think ellipses are needed because you think the reader doesn't know the tone you are portraying.
They will. They know how a question will work.
The audience most definitely passed Grade 3.

Quote: The problem is that even if I have the key it won't turn no matter how hard I try…" Donavan responded

Here's why you don't understand ellipsis.
Somewhere along the line,
someone used "..." to mean pause.
It never was grammatically correct.

The comma however,
does.

A neat writing trick is to just say the sentence and then say how the character feels.

Quote: The problem is that even if I have the key it won't turn no matter how hard I try," Donavan replied with despair.

This is how you build a vocabulary, and a variety of words or descriptions makes a story more vivid, detailed and colourful.

Ellipsis are used for the omission of statements in quotations.
You are not quoting a document,
or a person
or anything that can be quoted.
You do not use them in a novel format the way you are doing now.

If you even knew what it was,
you'd know never to use it in this format.

I just want you to realize you shouldn't use them.

It isn't just because of grammar.
It makes you look like a sloppy, weak "writer."

I take that you're new at grammar, but you should have actually looked into what you were using before you used it.
It'd be like saying a word before knowing its meaning.

And yes,
the ellipsis has become colloquial enough to be found in things like comic books or forum posts.
You are using that informal and incorrect use.

It does have a different meaning in those kinds of writings (comic books or forum posts; not always the case in them, though), but you shouldn't take those meanings into writing.
It'd be like making someone just say 'k' when they want 'okay.'
That's just abhorred writing.

Naruto200Man · 03-08-2012 06:21 AM

Okay, so don't use elipsis anymore, I'll work on that, although I'm curious about my scentence structure, that's another thing I've been trying to improve XP
If you feel like you're being mean, don't XD I've had a lot worse come from the guys over at zeldauniverse forums <_<

I normally don't use it too often, but is portraying slurred words or sarcastic drag possible? I want to emphisize it in the spoken text as well as the narrative, but all I can think of thus far to do is to add repeat letters to symbolize the drag or slurring of a particular word 'sound'

For example: "Yeahhhh, right, and I'm a ten ton buffalo wearing a pink skirt and balarina shoes." The sarcasm is focused on the H sound of the word, and followed up by narration commentary like "their tone was ladled with sarcasm as they started to answer"

Proton · (03-09-2012)

That would be also incorrect.

Not only is it an error of language,

the dragging on of the letter 'h' in no way would portray it as more or less sarcastic if the reader was actually reading the sentence.

It'd be structured best with the tone of the person's dialogue after they say the line.
You don't need to portray how someone one is going to say the line, but you can always build up, by saying the person looked or are annoyed, or maybe they sigh (just so we're clear, saying '*sigh*' is not grammatically correct.).