07-21-2012, 04:27 PM
Quote:In an intense battle Haiku defeats a slew of ninjas who once stood before him. He is weakened, but has survived. He talks to one of the ninjas…Wait, did I miss something there?
Isn't such a battle supposed to be the interesting part of a story? You're just leaving everything out.
It feels like you are telling a story without any storytelling.
Oh hey it is a Dragon, Rawr, Dragon die!! Dragon dead. There is absolutely nothing actually happening. There's no tension, no arc of suspense, nada. Not a single thing to make the story interesting.
Also, all Haiku says is "Die, you must they, he will die, die now, it's time to die, everyone will die, I will dye my hair".
Quote:Haiku: I have to escape. I can’t let this dragon live.That appears contradictory. Escaping would mean running away, right? That's the opposite of engaging the dragon in battle.