07-09-2012, 11:59 AM
What is your first language? Please tell me it is not English.
This is Forrest:
![[Image: ForrestGump_1994_001.sized.jpg]](/image.php?src=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.brandhype.org%2Falbums%2FPlugDeluxe%2FForrestGump_1994_001.sized.jpg&hash=543aae4df9b9300e003191516f97eba6)
This here a forest:
![[Image: forest1.jpg]](/image.php?src=http%3A%2F%2Fiversonforest.com%2Fimages%2Fforest1.jpg&hash=83c0c310dc629a7a84ec65bf44dbac38)
I told you to proofread, didn't I? Please do it. You also have a few lonely tags left. There's a preview button which will present you a preview of your post. You can use that, see it everything looks alright, then post. If you forget to do so, you can still edit your post afterwards.
Nothing against mistakes in general. Things happen, that's alright. But when it's a STORY POST™, I expect more care. The way you present your story is important, too, not only the contents.
If you wnat to learn how to write a good story, you need to read a lot. If you can't even be bothered to re-read your own writing, how do you intend to improve?
Let's take a look this fragment of a story you have here. Haiku's father is dead. Haiku want's to avenge him. Haiku gets a handful of weird thing. The end. That's one of the most boring and standard repertoire storylines ever, really cliché. Nothing to keep potential readers interested.
So the mother has to say goodbye to her only son, probably forever, yet you don't manage to get any emotion across. "Please don't go!" "Sorry, but I must." "Oh, well, in that case it's alright, take these things here with you." "I must go."
Let them talk more about how he's not ready, his father was far better than him and yet died. Let Haiku debate how it's his obligation as a son and stuff about honor. Bla bla.
Giving the character all these items at once drastically decreses their significance. He probably should get at least the cloak and map elsewhere later.
Either way, "serious" stories hardly take off on the internets. You really have to know what you do and you need to avoid standard cliché stories. Furthermore, if you want to write a Ninja story, you need background information on Japan, Ninja and all that in order to make your story credible.
By the way, I was expection actual Haiku when I entered
This is Forrest:
This here a forest:
I told you to proofread, didn't I? Please do it. You also have a few lonely tags left. There's a preview button which will present you a preview of your post. You can use that, see it everything looks alright, then post. If you forget to do so, you can still edit your post afterwards.
Nothing against mistakes in general. Things happen, that's alright. But when it's a STORY POST™, I expect more care. The way you present your story is important, too, not only the contents.
If you wnat to learn how to write a good story, you need to read a lot. If you can't even be bothered to re-read your own writing, how do you intend to improve?
Let's take a look this fragment of a story you have here. Haiku's father is dead. Haiku want's to avenge him. Haiku gets a handful of weird thing. The end. That's one of the most boring and standard repertoire storylines ever, really cliché. Nothing to keep potential readers interested.
So the mother has to say goodbye to her only son, probably forever, yet you don't manage to get any emotion across. "Please don't go!" "Sorry, but I must." "Oh, well, in that case it's alright, take these things here with you." "I must go."
Let them talk more about how he's not ready, his father was far better than him and yet died. Let Haiku debate how it's his obligation as a son and stuff about honor. Bla bla.
Giving the character all these items at once drastically decreses their significance. He probably should get at least the cloak and map elsewhere later.
Either way, "serious" stories hardly take off on the internets. You really have to know what you do and you need to avoid standard cliché stories. Furthermore, if you want to write a Ninja story, you need background information on Japan, Ninja and all that in order to make your story credible.
By the way, I was expection actual Haiku when I entered